I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
