Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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