Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
