its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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