I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
