Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
