i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
