apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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