but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
