Already got asked if we're dating
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
