We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
