So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I believe in your delicious
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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