Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
