Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
