Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
