Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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