Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
