I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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