Already got asked if we're dating
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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