He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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