I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
