i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
