He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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