Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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