yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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