Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
