watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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