Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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