She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
