What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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