Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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