if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
