I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
