My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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