I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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