just come out here and I will go home with you...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
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only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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