It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
