batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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