i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
