i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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