Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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