Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
