Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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