His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
