I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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