I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
