All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
