I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
