wat bout pragnant strippers??
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This house was built for laser tag.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
