if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
