i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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