Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
