I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
