Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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