Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
