I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize