it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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