Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
