i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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