I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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