im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just threw up on my dentist
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize