I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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