yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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