genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have so many feelings about this burrito
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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