He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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