They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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