I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
