In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
