no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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