oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
